More and more the I-ness in my life has dissapeared. Looking back it is hard to understand I ever believed the story about a me having a life. I can remember how it was though, and sometimes still experience how it is, but it never lasts long. This blog is an attempt to describe the non-dual experience paradox of a self experiencing no-self.
So, why this blog?
Why questions are the most crazy questions possible. They are always answered by the brain and the answers given depend on mood swings, the moment, the current point of view and even the one that asks them. So depending on all that and more here is my answer: I have always been writing (in fact I studied to become a writer) and when not writing commercially it was about my hobbies and interests for magazines or websites. So writing about non-duality seems a natural thing to do. I have postponed it several times with excuses like: I don’t know what to say, how to explain and what shall people think. It is time to leave that behind, start blogging and see what will come from it.
I can recall the first months after awakening and the hapiness that arose from the emptiness. But far from subtle there was a someone being happy. A someone that had achieved a ‘special’ state. A someone that wasn’t able to talk about it in an understandable way but that somehow felt the need to do so. Although that someone rapidly learned to keep his mouth shut about awakening in order to prevent himself being regarded as strange or as a believer in something higher. Claiming and defending were omni-present but hardly recognized at the time. That seems to have left my system. But avoiding to talk about what moves me and how life is experienced would be another pitfall. So here’s the first blog…
There is an urge to write, although I find nonduality not the easiest topic. It probably will be a discovery of how to describe the non-dual life in my own words. I usually talk about it with a laugh, let’s see if laughing happens while writing and reading.